ATTENTION: I’m moving out!

15 Sep

I officially change my blog channel.
Please kindly follow me at RETENOIRE.BLOGSPOT.COM since I won’t posting anything again here.

Thanks for following me here, and see you again at my new blog! ♥

#IdeaSwap: Photo Album

12 Sep

Home is where the heart is and I can’t even express how far away from home I feel…

image

No matter how cliché it may sound, I’m that kind of girl who always clinging to my past whatsoever. Doesn’t literally mean that I’m hard to move on sort of person, no. Unable to move on and cherish your past are a very two different things.
The easiest way to go back to the past is through a photo album. The old photo album is always consist of many stories in it. Sometimes few of them are a forgotten memories, the story that you already forgot until you open and see that photos again, and just like an old camera film, all the stories and the feeling are back to you.
The photo in the beginning of this post, those are an old pictures of me and my family… and yes, I do feel so far away from home now. Since now I live separately from my family while finishing my study.

The people in that photo are my little self, my Mom, my Dad, my baby brother, my cousins, my Grandpa, and my Grandma. Let me retrace what I remember after see that pictures…

I have a great and happy childhood, I don’t remember I ever felt very sad when I was a little girl. I was loved by many… I’m the first child and also the first grand child in my Mother’s family. My Mom said, the day I was born felt like a festival, the hospital’s corridor where my Mom given birth to me was fully loaded by my family, everyone came to see me! She said it was one of the happiest day of her life.
As I’m growing up, compared with me and Mother, I’m a little bit more close to my Dad. He is the one I always look up to even until today.
A little me was very shy, I dislike being with a new people so much, that’s way when I was a kid I got really close with my cousins since I didn’t really have a social life outside my family.
The beautiful woman in veil is my Grandma. She’s not with me again now, she passed away when I was 16 years old because of a sudden heart attack. I miss her so much, my Grandma is my everything. Yes, after my Dad, the second person I’m most close with was my Grandma.
One thing I remember the most about Grandma is the romantic story about her and my Grandpa that she once told me. My Grandma was a beautiful girl from a rich family who fell in love with a handsome air force troops. My Grandma said her family hated my Grandpa very much at first. Why a high class girl like her want to marry a lowly troops? But their love finally won over everything. I even found a box full of old love letters that my Grandpa sent to her like, I don’t know, over 40 years ago? I read few of it, written in a stack of paper that getting yellowish with a classic hand-writing. God, that romantic thing is really exist.

…See? How many forgotten stuff you can remember just through a piece of old photo, the stories are irreplaceable. Not only for the sake of good memories, by seeing back to your past once in a while you can watch yourself growing up and realizing that the place where you stand now really is your place after all.

–Posted via mobile

#IdeaSwap: Letter

11 Sep

Dear 18 years old me…

I know how do you feel now, terrible isn’t it?
I also know that five years later, your heart ache will still not completely cure yet.

Life is so cruel, I know it too…
Even your parents yelling to each other everyday or somehow they’re not talking to each other at all, make sure you bear it well, don’t forget that no matter what both of them are loving you.

Love is stupid, but you don’t know it yet…
Also you have no idea that you will choose a wrong guy a view months later, you will end up dating him for two years and will experience the most dramatic and stupid break up ever.

You will get through many ups and downs in the future. There will come the day when you feel over excited and there also will come the day when you feel like wanna kill yourself. But don’t do it, don’t kill yourself… because you soon will meet a best people in your life. Few of them will become your best friend, few of them will become your favorite person, few of them will turn out to be your enemy… also one of them, you going to have a tragic-romantic love story with him, a story that you often fancy when you read it in the novel.
I’m not saying life will be easy, and we already realize that our life will be slightly different with other person. Guess what? We were right.

Keep trying hard, keep thinking that you will have a good life, because you will.
Don’t lose hope, somehow you will learn that this is not a worst life someone can live. Everybody have their own story, some of them are way harder than yours that you later will stop pitying yourself and choose to be happy…

…And you will be happy.

This is me, the 23 years old you.

–Posted via mobile

#IdeaSwap: If I Were A Boy

9 Sep

Have you ever wish to be born as someone else? If you’re boy, have you ever wonder how if you were a girl and if you’re a girl, how it’ll become if you were a boy?

If I were a boy?
I bet I’ll become a decent one. If not I’ll just become the annoying type that most girl will going to hate. Yeah, I don’t think there is any middle standard for a “boy” me.
Let me use my imaginary here, to put my girl personality into a boy one.

Mari awali semuanya dengan, Mungkin

Gue adalah cowok yang pendiam, yang ga bisa ngelucu atau sekedar bercanda-canda jorok sama kebanyakan orang. Karena menurut gue cowok yang bermulut cewek alias berisik dan macam komentator nyasar itu butuh dibasmi dari muka bumi ini.
Gue adalah cowok yang menyebalkan karena terkesan tukang pilih-pilih dan ga suka hidup susah. Prinsip gue adalah, laki-laki itu ga butuh hidup sok susah kalau bisa hidup enak hanya karena stereotype yang menyatakan kalo cowok yang ga pernah hidup susah itu artinya ga bakal bisa survive. Ah kata siapa? Itu sih tergantung lo nya aja tau diri apa ga… Taraf hidup itu bagian dari takdir, kalau memang temen lo mampu hidup lebih enak dari lo, ya jangan banyak omong, ga perlu pengumuman lah kalau lo sirik. Tapi bukan berarti gue ga bisa apa-apa. Biar begini juga gue tetap laki-laki yang suatu hari bakal menapaki masa depannya sendiri. Itu makanya gue selalu mendoktrin diri gue sendiri buat jadi cowok cerdas, cekatan, dan serba bisa. Itu modal, biar survive.
Gue adalah cowok yang susah naksir cewek dan susah ditaksir cewek. Kenapa? Gue senyum aja jarang, gimana mau ada yang naksir gue? Yang ada cewek-cewek kalau ngeliat gue macam ngeliat anjing yang di jidatnya ada tempelan, “Awas anjing galak!”. Gue juga susah naksir cewek, bukan semata-mata karena ketinggian standar, susah aja kali nemuin cewek yang kira-kira mau sama anjing galak. Ditambah, gue bukan cowok yang naksir sama cewek cantik, buat gue cewek cantik itu cuma enak dilihat, masalah hati ga ada hubungannya sama muka lo.
Gue adalah laki-laki yang setia kawan. Karena mencari teman itu bukan hal gampang buat gue, jadi ketika gue menemukan beberapa orang yang bisa gue sebut teman, I’ll treasure them no matter what.
Gue adalah cowok yang dekat dengan Mama, karena sejak kecil keburu terbiasa memandang beliau sebagai makhluk rapuh yang butuh dilindungi terus-terusan sama anak laki-laki jagoannya ini… Padahal dalam hati gue tau benar, Mama adalah wanita paling kuat yang ada di dunia.
Gue adalah laki-laki tegas yang mengerti benar apa yang gue mau dalam hidup gue. Gue calon laki-laki sukses, masa depan gue cerah dan menjanjikan. Bukan karena kepedean, bukan juga mendahului kehendak Tuhan. Itu namanya optimis.
Gue adalah cowok yang selalu berusaha ga mempermainkan dan menyakiti perasaan cewek, apa sih gunanya jadi cowok model begitu? Ga guna. Jika suatu hari gue berkeluarga, gue akan memastikan istri dan anak-anak gue menjadi orang-orang yang paling bahagia di dunia. Begitu juga dengan orangtua dan saudara-saudara gue… Gue yang akan membuat mereka bahagia.

Do I sounds perfect already?
Yes, I did… Mungkin itu sebabnya Tuhan menciptakan gue sebagai perempuan, bukan laki-laki. Karena manusia pada dasarnya ga ada yang sempurna.
Just a fun fact, gue sering dapet “pengakuan” dari temen-temen cewek gue, yang bilang kalo gue cowok pasti mereka naksir sama gue. Awalnya gue selalu mikir temen-temen gue kena semacam gangguan mental karena bisa-bisanya gue berkandidat potensial jadi laki-laki idaman mereka. Tapi setelah gue baca apa yang barusan gue tulis, they’re not entirely wrong, for a few women I might be their ideal guy.

Then again, I’m just an ordinary girl, a girl who far from perfection. If I were a boy, maybe the people who got me on their back will be the lucky ones. But even so I’m just a girl, I’ll do as much as I can to be that girl, a girl who don’t need to imagining “if I were a boy” just to feel happy, a girl who always thankful being born as a girl… and as a very blessed one too.

–Posted via mobile

#IdeaSwap: Do’s and Don’ts

5 Sep

A very first thing I’m gonna say here that I’m almost running out of time to blog this post. How awful my time management is…
To be honest I don’t really have plenty of free time this past few days, there are always somethings I need to do outside and the result when I got home by the end of night is always same, too exhausted to even turn on my laptop, don’t hope I still have energy left to even write a sentence or two.

But let it be, I got my tab here with me, at least I can write a short post no matter what.

Hmm, the topic is Do’s and Don’ts. Of course the first things cross my mind are a bunch of tips and a random manual to do stuffs. But since I don’t have enough time to write this post, just let me tell you about a simple one…
My very own do’s and don’ts in life.
I only have one do and one don’t, the thing that I always grasp thigh as a life guide. People said that life didn’t come up with manual, you just simply need to live it. I don’t think it is wrong, I’m kinda agree with them, life’s will get too bothersome if you over-think about it. Yet still, you need to keep some barrier in your own life. Just in case you will go out of track and make a mistake that you will regret forever… That’s when my do and don’t come in handy.

My do is; Do everything with your own way. It doesn’t mean you will ignore every other people’s suggestion. But this is your life, you’re the one who live it, so you will be the one who control it.
My don’t is; Don’t ever loose your faith. Your faith to your self, faith to your God, faith to your family, faith to your friends, and faith to your circumstances. Because only if you believe in it then it’ll somehow work to you.

See? Life is not that hard, it is only us who have too much expectation about it.
Just live it up, do everything you can all you want. Just don’t forget your own limit… and be happy.

–Posted via mobile

#IdeaSwap: 1-4-3

2 Sep

Baca topik ini, hal pertama yang terlintas jelaslah lagunya Henry Lau yang lagi beken-bekennya itu. Sejujurnya pun gue otomatis beberapa kali langsung dengerin lagu itu… and I still have no idea how to develop this topic.

Jadi, ketika jaman lagu 1-4-3 itu baru keluar, gue ga ngerti apalah itu maksudnya 1-4-3, dan sama dengan apa yang orang lain lakukan, kalo ga tau maka kembalilah pada google. So I google it, then a lot of things about 1-4-3 come up. Ternyata arti dari 1-4-3 itu sederhana sekali sodara-sodara, artinya cuma: I Love You.

Or is it that simple, the I love you?
For me, the hardest and the most meaningful I love you ever said is when that sentence follow with No matter what. I love you no matter what…
That kind of I love you yang ga menuntut balasan dan tanpa alasan.

Berapa orang di dunia yang bisa kalian hadiahkan perasaan seperti itu?
Mungkin banyak dari kalian yang bakal otomatis jawab, “Orangtua gue lah, siapa lagi?” atau “Pasangan gue dong…”, atau jawaban yang lebih luar biasa lagi, “Tuhan gue lah, ga ada lagi yang lain.”
Those are a great answers and probably the most right answers too…

Gue sebenernya ngerasa ga pantes nulis soal cinta-cintaan begini. Karena gue sendiri, percaya apa ga, takut sama yang namanya cinta. Bukan, bukan karena gue jomblo dari lahir. Pada masanya, gue juga pernah ngerasain jaman pacaran sama sekian banyak cowok yang berbeda dalam waktu yang sesingkat-singkatnya.

Sepanjang hidup gue, ada dua point yang membuat gue sama sekali berubah pandangan soal cinta.
Pertama adalah ketika orangtua gue bercerai, seeing a love that I’ve been looked up all my life crumble right in front of my eyes is broken my heart even until today.
Kedua adalah ketika gue sendiri menyadari I’ve been in love for a very long time with someone I can’t choose. This someone is my best friend, and we’re still friend until now. Agak konyol sebenernya kalau diinget-inget, we were realize we’ve been developed another feeling to each other after we’ve been a friend for years, it is supposed to be a happy ending for both of us, but we ended up chose the hard way and here comes the sad part when both of us have no courage to step further to change our pure friendship into some sort of relationship.

Tentu aja dua kejadian itu udah lama berlalu, tapi apa yang merubah gue sejak itu masih bertahan hingga sekarang. Love scares me.

Yet this is the weird thing about it, those two point that change my perspective about love forever are turned up to be a wake up call for me…
Why is my parents divorce effect me that much, because I love them no matter what.
Why after being a coward and run from the possibility to have a relationship with my own best friend makes me hesitate to love again, because back at that time I love him no matter what.

Project alert!

2 Sep

It’s been quite some time I haven’t write any qualified post here, in fact I’m not even post anything at all. I mean, is not like I’m not blogging on purpose… it’s just simply because I’m so pissed off by how the universe somehow put me in a joke, since when writing something and posting it on my own blog can be that hard?
But the problem is over. The internet crisis, the time management thingy, and whatever reason that was here to keep me away from blogging are over. Yet too bad the damage were already happened, I supposed to have a project last month, the ruined project because… because, yeah, because this and that.

My original plan was to complete that project no matter what, even so I’m not really excited about it as the first time I announced that project here. But the blog must goes on, and I have to write.
Then a great idea — even a great save for me actually — come from my friend/best friend/partner in crime just around a couple days ago. At first she only asked for my help if I would like to give her a random topic to be written on her own blog everyday, since I know so well how her brain somehow can’t work properly in sorting what-to-write-and-what-the-title stuff every time she write, I almost said, “Yes, I can do that much for you,” but, but… this though suddenly crossed in my mind…

…If I’m about to give her that random topics everyday anyway, why we’re not making it vice-versa then? I’m going to give her the topic and she will give one too for me… Isn’t it sounds like almost genius team work?

So I just spilled that idea to her, long story short, we agree to do another collaboration project together! Yeeeiy!!
By the way, about her… I blabbed all the way down in this post about her but forget to tell you about who the hell she really is, she is one of my closest friend… and now I recalled I haven’t write about my friends in this blog at all, let me create one later then.
But about this one friend, well… how to put it so you can understand us easily, we’re so different yet so compatible at the same time. We attracted to so many different things but magically will find a similarity about it in the end. We’ve been friend for not so long time, maybe only around three or four years, but in that short time we’ve been through quite a lot.
More stories about her and my other friends will come up later, I promise I’m so going to write it!
And also, why don’t you go checking on her by yourself, click here and it will bring you to See.Think.Write, her very own blog.

Now let’s back to the project, here’s the rules of our collaboration project…

…The tag of this project is #IdeaSwap and we play it thrice a week. At the given day, we will swapping idea and use it to write or create something in our blog. There are some provision too in this challenge; First, the topic must be good enough to make us think and write something qualified. Second, each topic will have a time limit which is will force us to write in time. The main aim of this challenge is to push us to be a more productive blogger, and trust me we really want to become that.

It is quite a simple project actually, but I think it somehow a really effective way to motivate us to write. Especially since we’re doing it together, it make us feel more challenged.
I’m super excited to nailed this project, which is actually… start from today onward!

P.S. This #IdeaSwap project will only last for a month or two. This one is a September project and we will make another project again in the future. Sounds great isn’t it?